I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
