I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
