I just cut my nipple shaving
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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