i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
