he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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