she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
