Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
