Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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