Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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