My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
