Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
