i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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