He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Randomize
