yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just had sex bonerless
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
