I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
