the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
