My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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