thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
