We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
