all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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