He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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