No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
