I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
