First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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