Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
