I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
