I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
