this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
