I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
