Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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