I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
