well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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