there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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