Me. At least after what I've been through.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Vodka?
Forever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
