i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
