Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
