I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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