If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
