you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
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