i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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