I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
