the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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