yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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