uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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