Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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