just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
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