After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
