I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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