i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
