Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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