but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
