I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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